Stress-free Airport Security
by Andrew JohnsonWell, maybe not completely stress-FREE, but stress-reduced. In my day job as a traveling videographer and business owner, I have gone through security with laptops, video cameras and assorted metal objects more times than I can count. Over the years - and especially since 9/11 - I’ve learned a few things that has allowed me to sail through security. Most of the time. So here now are my suggestions.
It’s All in Your Mind
Resign yourself to the fact that you’ll have to go through security and it may be a hassle. There’s nothing you can do about it so put away your impatience. I haven’t kept an official log of this, but it seems I get stopped less and pass more quickly if I appear tired or disinterested. Hmmm…
Print It
Easily the best thing the airlines have allowed you to do even before you leave the house is print your boarding pass at home. If you do nothing else, do this. Especially if you are not checking any baggage. It’s one huge thing off your mind and the only way to get the coveted A ticket on Southwest. If you have connecting flights, make sure you also get the next boarding pass. And most hotels will help you out with this too the day before you check out. I’ve even asked the customer service people at Disneyworld’s Magic Kingdom to print my boarding passes for my family during a recent trip. Never hurts to ask.
You Are What You Wear
Planning a smooth trip through security starts at home with the proper attire. You know that metal will set off the detectors. You know that you’ll have to take off your shoes. You know that you’ll have to remove your jacket. So plan ahead. I wear laceless shoes or sneakers that easily slip off and back on in seconds without untying and tying. I always, always wear socks (which also eliminates sandals) - you think I’m putting my bare feet on those airport floors? Think about it. I hardly wear any jewelry - only my wedding band and a leather belt with a small metal buckle. Neither have set off the detectors. The rare times when I’ve had to remove my belt, I’ve made sure my pants fit properly. You may not think about it, but how many America’s Funniest Home Videos have you seen where someone’s pants suddenly took a vacation south? It could happen.
The Baggage We Bring with Us
I have a videographer’s briefcase that’s essentially a top-loading bag - access is through the zippers at the top. One compartment is reserved for my laptop only - and my laptop is in another protective sleeve, which also zips across the top. I line up the zippers so that in about 3 seconds, I unzip the top of my briefcase, which reveals the zipper for the sleeve, and the laptop is out and in the bin. Same going back in - about 4 seconds is all I need to get it back in. You know that any liquids must now be in a clear plastic bag. You can use the ones they give you in line, but then you have fish around for all the stuff that has to go in it. I use my own Ziplocs and put everything questionable in there at home and I’ve never been stopped. This Ziploc goes into an outer pocket of my briefcase so I can easily pull it out and into a bin. And keep in mind that liquids need to be about 4 ounces or less - that’s not a lot, so I get travel sizes of any toiletries I’ll need - or buy them when I get there.
At the Airport
As soon as I arrive at the airport and check my bags or find my flight on the board, I put my watch, loose change and cell phone into an outer pocket of my briefcase or knapsack - long before I get in the security line. You’ll have to take them out anyway - might as well do it now before you get flustered at the metal table by the xray machine.
Keep your boarding pass in your pocket along with your driver’s license or picture ID. If your ID is in a holder, take it out now - you’ll have to later anyway. My wife and daughter use one of those boarding pass holders that hangs around your neck - but you still have to take that off and put it in a bin, so I don’t use them.
Get in Line
Realize that the line will immediately slow down as soon as you get in it - Murphy’s Law. Just accept it. As you get close to the first TSA checker, have your boarding pass and ID in hand. You won’t have to worry about those liquids because you would have put them in a Ziploc at home. Don’t make smart-ass comments to the TSA person - I’ve rarely run into one with a sense of humor. They’ll mark your boarding pass and tell you that you can put your ID away. I just put them both back into pocket - I’ve seen too many people put their ID, along with their boarding pass, back into their purse or briefcase. You’ll need your boarding pass again in a few steps for the TSA agent at the metal detector - but if it’s in your bag, and your bag is in the xray… Well, it’s like those VISA commercials when the world stops while some (fiscally responsible) sole uses cash instead of their debit card - the music stops, everyone’s eyes are on you and somewhere off in the distance a lonely dog barks. Keep ‘em in your pants, so to speak.
Once you’re past the first check point, pick any line. The shortest isn’t necessarily the fastest. I check out the people and what they’re carrying and how confused they look. High marks in those categories and I’m onto the next line. Look for people who know what they’re doing.
At the Metal Table
Here’s my routine: 1) immediately go to the stack of bins, grab a few and stake out my territory on the metal table; 2) I line up the first bin and in goes my coat and shoes; 2) out comes my laptop (I don’t close the zippers) and into a bin of its own, which is next in line; 3) if I have a video camera with me, that comes out and goes into a third bin by itself; 4) lastly goes my briefcase and camera case (if I have one). I shove my shoe bin onto the conveyer belt and into the machine. Next goes my laptop and camera and so on. Important point: I wait until my last bag is in the machine before moving up to the metal detector - even if the TSA agent asks me to step forward. Laptops are expensive things - even priceless depending on what you have on it - so I’m not trusting anyone to grab it and make a mad dash with it (unlikely) or corral it into their own bin (more likely).
At the Metal Archway
Pull out your boarding pass and keep an eye on your belongings. There have been a few times when I’ve been pulled aside for the extra search and I’ve politely asked if I can keep an eye on my belongings. Usually not a problem. But assuming I don’t get pulled aside, here’s where my bin order now comes in handy. First out are my shoes - 3 seconds and they’re back on. While I’m getting my coat, out comes my laptop with my briefcase right after it. A quick drop through the zippered top and it’s back in place in 4 seconds. Same routine if I have a camera. If I don’t, my knapsack is next and a quick grab over the shoulder and I’m outta there in 10 seconds.
At the gate I get my cell phone, watch and put my ID back into my wallet. Then stop by Aunt Annie’s Pretzels because I have so much time on my hands…
Bonus Tip
You know those luggage carts that are soooo useful but cost too much to go the short distance? When I’m dropped off at the airport, I use curbside check-in so it’s a non-issue. But when I drive myself, I don’t look for the parking spot closest to the entrance. I cruise around looking for a newly discarded luggage cart - no one returns them to the rack, they just leave them where they’ve parked. Nine times out of ten, I find a free cart. Bonus points if I can scarf a cart, throw it in my trunk AND find a spot next to the entrance. It’s going to be a good flight.
