Healthvues

After a few hours sleep, I rolled over and looked at the clock - 3:08am. I start to wake Spike up to call the hospital when the phone rings - she’s in hard labor! Talk about timing. We arrive on the maternity ward and hear a baby crying down the hall (we are the only ones on the floor) - it’s Alex and we missed the delivery by 30 seconds! Spike was supposed to be in the room but the birthmother went from 7cm to birth in 11 minutes - she didn’t even push; she said she walked down to the delivery room, sat down and Alex literally slipped out! Even the doctor didn’t make it - the nurse delivered! After a few minutes, I (AJ) was called into the room to meet my new daughter. The three of us went off to the nursery for her routine tests (all went good), first bottle, etc. Partly because there were no other patients on the floor - and we were told that because the nursing staff loved seeing this adoption process (and they all were very complimentary of us) - they gave us our own private room for the duration (we still could not sleep there) - they admitted that since they don’t do many adoptions, there are no policies - so the nurses said they’ll make it up as they see fit! And since they all liked us (Spike and Alex and I), we were treated like royalty. They were so supportive, constantly coming in just to talk and show us the ropes - we could not have asked for better treatment if we were patients ourselves. We will always be grateful for our treatment there - they truly made a stressful time much easier for us.

The birthparents signed off that morning and our official waiting period began. We are by no means out of the woods yet. Emotions run high at times like these and preplanned wishes change and it’s easy for insignficant things to blow up into serious misunderstandings. For example, the plan was for Spike to be present during the birth and I (Andy) would be invited into the delivery room once the birthmother was comfortable - more for privacy and respect for her than anything. This is one of those things that we talked about so many months ago in Branson. But the best laid plans usually go south during the confusion and excitement of a birth. It’s so difficult to guage or plan reactions - on the one hand, we wanted to embrace the birthmother and thank her so much for this gift, and on the other, we want rush to this baby, and at the same time be respectful of the birthmother (she was actually still in the birthing position when I was invited in - a bit awkward for all of us, in hindsight) and shield her from this newborn in case she didn’t want to make an attachment. Tough calls when things are happening so fast.

The rest of the early morning was taken up by the numerous newborn tests, first photo, getting the cord blood shipped off, etc. Events happen to us on a daily basis that affect our lives moving forward - most are trivial and go unnoticed, like deciding to take a different route home from work, and some are monumental, like deciding when college to apply to or which job to accept. But it’s a rare gift to witness an event that you know is profoundly and forever changing your life as you watch it unfold. This was one of those times. As we stood there watching these tests being administered, at 4:00 am in a little hospital in norther Arkansas, I marveled at how our future has been forever altered from what it was only an hour ago. An hour ago, we were just two people who embarked on a journey to try to start our family. Now, she was here - we were parents - and we have all the responsibilities, joys, worries, hurdles and all that comes with the territory that we didn’t have an hour ago. The funny thing is though, all of this really won’t become legally real for another 10 days, but we give ourselves our this sweet moment for now nonetheless.

Suffice it to say that while we are still confident at this point that they don’t want this baby back, we’re not so confident things will go smoothly for the next 10 days. We have an incredible legal team behind us and the hospital, nursing and doctors staff are all on our side. But for now, we are Alex’s legal custodians - let the countdown begin. Between getting legal papers filed, insurance companies notified and tests run, the day is a blur. It hasn’t hit us yet - but today we became parents. To top it off - Maryland literally spanked the pants off NC State. Since Alex’s birth, the Terps are batting a thousand!

We meet Dr. Moffitt (The birthmother’s doc and Alex’s hospital pediatrician - a bit unusual, the delivery doc also being the baby’s pediatrician, but we like it - Dr. Moffitt has been, unbeknownst to us until now, a very strong advocate of adopting this baby to us for quite some time) to discuss test results and progress reports. All is well so far - the next 24 hours should be telling of how Alex will do, not having had regular prenatal care. But it looks promising. After returning to the hospital after quick showers and a few more phone calls, we get a message that we had to call the birthparents. We don’t need to get into details, but again, suffice it to say these next 9 days will not be a walk in the park. Talk about stress - trying not to get too excited about holding our daughter because the very possibility exists that it could still all blow up (memories of Atlanta still haunt us), while at the same time giving her the love, attention and bonding she needs. After spending the whole day with her, leaving her that night (given the events of the day as a result of that phone call) was one of the hardest things we ever had to do. Not much sleep this night.

Despite not having some test results back yet, Dr. Moffitt feels things will be all right and releases Alex. While we certainly have been treated incredibly well, and we know that the staff is on our side, we still feel vulnerable. We want to get back to the relative protective comfort of Siloam Springs (and nearer to our lawyer). Leaving the hospital feels more like an escape than a homecoming! We get all her paperwork together, sign the releases and get hugs from the nurses. Some of them even wanted us to go through Harrison on our way to Little Rock when we fly home so we could stop in and see them again. They were all really sweet. Getting Alex into the car seat was an ordeal - we should’ve first practiced on a sack of flour or a small dog - poor Alex didn’t appreciate our learning curve. But the ride home to SS was uneventful - she slept the whole way (about 2 hours). Of course, we had to show her off so our first stop was Dena’s office. Then on to “home” to be greeted by the dogs. Jamie (Dena’s sister) had already put a bassinet, clean linens and a bottle of champagne in our “home” waiting for us - these people are just incredible. It’s weird though - we’ve been here over 3 weeks and now finally we have in our arms what we came here for. For the past 2 and half days, Alex has been living off hospital provisions and we’ve been practicing our babyin’ skills. But Spike has to go out for supplies and it’s just Alex and me - I’m up for the task. Now…I’ve put together high-end graphics computer systems. I can do basic household wiring. I’ve even pulled the engine out of my ‘49 Chevy, rebuilt it, put it back and drove it away. One would think that the immediate needs of a sleeping baby would be an easy task to execute. As soon as Spike left, sounds - the particular frequency and depth of which I have not heard since my first viewing of the movie “Alien” - started eminating from this tiny body. Pretty soon, the water- and fudge-works started flowing like sap out of a tree during a forest fire. As soon as one diaper was removed, another wave came. I think she actually enjoyed kicking through all this, well, you get the picture. 4 diapers later, we finally have dryness and cleanliness. Now comes the task of changing clothes - never mind getting the dirty one off, getting the clean layette on is like putting a bite-size baggie on a greasy,
wriggling sausage. And the kicking and screaming…Alex seemed to tolerate me, though. All was back to normal by the time Spike got back. In reality, I’m actually pretty cool about it. Someone once said that a baby cries for one of three things: when they’re hungry; when their diaper needs changing; and when they want to be held. Keeping that in mind, clothes and diaper changes consist of Alex screaming and me saying “yeah, yeah - I’m moving as fast as I can” - some things you just can’t get too upset about. She’ll stop crying…eventually. Tonight was our first night together - and everything they said about not getting sleep is true. I took the 11:00 - 3:00am shift and Spike took the 4:00am to 8:00am shift. We both were able to get some sleep though - while not
plentiful, at least quality.

Alexandra Rose got her name thus: “Rose” because that was Spike’s godmother’s name, but more importantly, it reminds her of the special memories of Marge’s (her mom) rose garden. “Alex” because that was the only female name we both could agree on. Today was fairly uneventful for
us, except Spike spoke with the birthmother today and things are a little better. Anything can still happen, and we oscillate between confidence and downright fright that when the phone rings, it’ll be them with a reclaim. All indications still point towards a successful adoption, but we can’t let our guard down quite yet. We’re thinking of putting some kind of phone chain in place for next Friday at 4:30pm CST (5:30 EST) - that’ll be the time it becomes official - some kind of national happy hour would be a great release! On a good note, Mike and Gloria finally came home from Tulsa. His surgery/cat scans were successful and now he’s home to recuperate. It’s a big relief for them to be home and he’s expected to make a full recovery. Tonight, we have our first bout of an inconsolable infant - crying and crapping and screaming and puking - these are the things worth fighting for!

Just when we think we’re getting this parenting thing down pat, something always trips us up. Actually, this feels so natural - we’re not panicking about anything related to Alex’s care. With the other huge worry looming over us (the revocation), crying bouts and dirty diapers are actually pretty trivial. Today consists mostly of work while watching Alex sleep and making all sorts of gurgling and chirping sounds. Being first time parents, we are naturally a little concerned when she sleeps too soundly (ironic, yeah we know). So we’re always poking her to startle her or get some reaction. Can’t imagine what future deviate behavior we’re instilling in her by doing this. Oh well, we figure we’re all embarking on a life of mutual torture anyway - so now it’s our turn. She’ll get her chance in her teenage years. We’re also falling into a night shift plan - I (Andy) take the the early shift (to about 2am or 3am) and Spike takes over from there. This night, Spike went to bed with visions of a content daughter in a new layette and a content husband in warm, flannel pajamas. She missed the transformation. She woke up to me in sweats, my PJs strewn about the place along with Alex’s now rumpled and very wet layette and her in another outfit. Total mayhem ensued during the night. All due to a leaking diaper - not defective, just not properly installed. Note to self: Get duct tape. I’ve been preparing Alex since her birth for a very special event, which was to occur at 1:00pm CST on CBS - Oklahoma vs Maryland at Cole. The countdown began and I prepared her in the subtleties of the 1-2-2 defense and the fast break offense. She mostly slept during the game on my stomach -
which, despite being a close game for a while, calmed me down. Now Spike says that Alex must be present during all Terrapin games in order to keep me under wraps. I say, “Uh, OK!” And, of course,
Maryland won. When Brent Musburger theorized that Maryland may be a bubble team, Alex promptly crapped her pants! You tell him! While to the untrained ear, her grunts and gurgles may sound just like that, I swore she pronounced “the Terps are in the Big Dance, you Herman Munster wannabe!” That’s my girl!

The halfway point. We’re still trying not to let ourselves get too caught up in being parents. But it’s hard. In fact, this is probably one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do. You want to be totally
immersed in the whole experience, but there’s this Friday deadline that keeps popping into our minds. Apparently, we’re becoming quite the celebrities here. We were visited by a couple
who have adopted 2 children. They had heard we were in town (several weeks ago) and wanted to come over to lend emotional support. They brought Alex a new teddy bear and we traded war stories. We keep saying people here are so nice here and that we hear that perfect strangers are pulling for us, but it’s no exaggeration - the doctor I saw last week for my sinus infection asked Gloria if we had the baby yet. Even the pharmacist who dispensed my prescription was asking how we’re doing! The nice part of being in a small town. But there is a dark side too - apparently word
got back that I was a bit rude to the Fed Ex counter person - not the one here in town (because there is none, only a drop box) - but the one in Springdale, easily 45 minutes away! I had to pick up a box, at the height of my raging infection, and the driver was late - so I muttered something under my breath (ever the diplomat, it was not directed at her per se). Well, now I have this reputation of being a newspaper-stealin’, counterperson-insultin’, cranky New Yorker. So unlike me… Big news today: Alex’s cord fell off tonight! No small feat for us - not so much that it fell off early, it’s just that that damn thing was so ugly to look at! Yeesh!

Alex had her first pediatric appointment today. Her doc back in Harrison wanted her looked at in one week (for those of you who know about the birthmother, she did not have what we would consider optimal prenatal care - we trusted her took care of herself, it’s just that she didn’t have many doc appointments). We are very happy (and relieved) to report that Alex is not only doing well, but she’s thriving. Everything checks out - her sneezes don’t mean anything bad - her chirps are a good thing - and she’s not too fussy (only when her diaper is full and her belly is empty - but
heck, I’m fussy under those conditions myself!). She started out at 6lbs 13oz at birth and in a week she’s up to 7lbs 2.5oz! Even the doctor was impressed. Must be we’re doing something right. And Mike seems to be doing much better. While Gloria is at work, I’ll go up and check on him. Today, we had a good talk about cars, vegetables and our women. Aaahhh, the testoserone was as thick as molasses! Actually, we hear he appreciates it as he’s still not too mobile. We’ve taken Alex up to see him and Gloria even made him come down to see us the other day. He’s on the mend and is looking forward to a big family ski vacation in Winter Park in a few weeks. Not that he’ll be skiing…mostly sitting by the fire, which is what we’d be doing.

So far, we’re hanging in here. Not much going on except pooping and burping…and taking care of Alex. Officially, today marks the end of our residency requirement - Alex’s adoption can never be
challenged on these grounds (nor on any other, for that matter, as we have been anal retentive about strictly playing by the rules). The end is in sight as we make our plane reservations for home. Tonight, Alex gets her first bath/massage combination. She fusses, of course, but she must like it because she almost sleeps through the night, going down at about 10pm. I woke her up at the end of my shift (2:30am) from a sound sleep to change her (again, she waits ’til I get the clean diaper off until opening up the flood gates) and feed her. They say don’t wake a sleeping baby - I won’t make that mistake again. The situation was only slightly aliviated because it was the start of Spike’s shift and I sauntered off to bed. The biggest news of the day? You have to ask? Maryland getting revenge on Duke by slapping them around on Duke’s senior night at home and exacting revenge for that loss…no, I still can’t talk about it. So far, the Terps are undefeated since Alex has been around. A sign? Should I go out and start shopping for my big screen TV? (ed. note: Spike and I have an agreement that if Maryland makes it to the Final Four, I get a big screen, digital TV -
no pressure, Alex…)

One of the benefits of having a respected lawyer in a small town is that sometimes special treatment comes along with the package. Today, we saw the judge. Dena had explained our situation to her when she filed the relinquishments last week and she agreed to hear our case a few days early. (Note: we still have 2 days to go, but now we don’t have to see the judge again - the decree will automatically take effect at the end of the day Friday, if the birthparents don’t file a reclaim.) This means that not only is one huge legal hurdle over with, but the timing allows us to be home almost a week earlier. Dena tells us not to worry too much because it’s basically a done deal. Still… We arrive at the courthouse at 9am and go right into her chambers - perfect timing! Judge Duncan is
extremely nice as Dena presents our case. The judge asks us a few questions, like are we financially able to care for this child (”yes”), are we emotionally able to care for this child (”yes”) and do
we desire this child (”what, ya kiddin’ me?! …er, Yes”). She says everything is in order and “congratulations” as we (almost) officially become parents! A few photos with the 5 of us and
we’re outta there in about 10 minutes. Short, but definitely one of the sweetest and most emotional moments in our lives. We go back down to the clerk’s office and file everything and meet some more
nice people - but we find out that the birthparents actually have until 5pm on Friday, not 4:30 as we had thought (rules change). Not that big of a deal, but it ticks Dena off a bit - any extra time is not welcome. Oh well, we’ll deal. We will have suffered for 10 days, what’s another 30 minutes?

Today is probably the second most stressful day in this whole journey
(see the next day for the MOST stressful). We have not heard anything
from the birthparents - which on the one hand, is a good thing because
in this case, no news is good news. On the other hand, we’d sure like to
know what they’re thinking. Today is mostly taken up by making sure
nothing is left for me to do for work and packing up my computer
equipment and shipping it home. Aside from the obvious stress of the
very real possibility of a reclaim (amplified by not 1, not 2 but 3
stories of recent reclaims on our agency internet bullentin boards),
there’s the stress of packing up everything and getting it to UPS, the
anticipation of finally going home and the depression of leaving our
new-found family. Everyone came over to say their good-byes and tell us
that we’ll be missed - the feeling is definitely mutual. We’ve said it
before, but we could not have been any more blessed. With all the things
we normally would’ve had to worry about (the hospital treatment, being
in a strange place, being away from work and worrying about our home),
we haven’t had to concern ourselves with anything because of the
wonderful people who have helped us through this - except, of course,
dealing with the birthparents, which is to be expected. On a lighter
note, we’ve been here for a month and have often lamented about the lack
of good restaurants within a short drive’s distance (at least in
comparison to what we’re used to in Syracuse, which is no culinary mecca
itself, mind you…). On day 32, we finally find 2 places that we surely
would’ve patronized many, many times had we had the inclination to stop
during any one of our countless drive-bys. If you ever find yourselves
in Siloam Springs, check out Fantiqua’s for subs and sandwiches and
Barnett’s Dairyette (a fixture for more than 40 years) for greasy, cheap
but utterly fantastic food. You won’t find a tofu burger here. Tonight,
we go up to the house and visit one last time with Gloria and Mike and
Kelly (their granddaughter and whose house we parked at during the
infamous Razorback game) - it was bittersweet and almost unbelievable
that this is finally our last night here. We also find out that in their
past, they were fellow Avioners! I just hope they didn’t wear those
funny hats and sweaters… (Ed. note: only Andy’s family will get this
joke - so don’t try to figure this one out.)