Healthvues

We should point out that we are in constant contact with our birthmother. She is doing well, but not getting enough rest because she says the baby is very active at night. She feels it is soon. Our hosts, or “landlords,” are the kind the people that make you pledge to yourself that you will pass on the same unconditional generosity in the future that has been shown to you - “paying it forward” so to speak. This adventure would be so much more stressful and scary if not for the interest and compassion of Gloria and Mike. And we are extremely grateful for finding Dena (Mike and Gloria’s daughter), our lawyer and now friend. We feel very protected - both legally and emotionally - maybe these are our rewards. Unfortunately, Mike is in the hospital due to some health problems but always asks if we’ve heard about the baby yet. He’ll be OK, and we’re very happy to be able to help out with their dogs (2 big, goofy Dobermans) and whatever else we can do. Perhaps this baby will be their reward too. It is our wish that you all are touched by the kindness of strangers in some point in your lives, in the same way we have been blessed on this journey. Oh about the actual happenings of the day? Just work and finding the Fed Ex drop.

Andy discovers that there are 7 more channels on the TV that were not programmed! He programs them - and we find out why they were deleted. Northwest Arkansas seems to possess more religious television channels than any place on the wired earth. We’re not talking the Catholic Channel on Cable 22 back home in Syracuse… We’re talking stompin’, singin ‘, healin’ and generally bad-leisure-suit-and-blue-hair down home revivals! Two of ‘em are in Spanish! Kinda makes you wish Jake and the Fatman was still in syndication… And just so the collective marketing genius that makes up the Greater NW Arkansas advertising community doesn’t go unnoticed, we are treated daily to the wonderful commercials of Sissy’s Log Cabin (purveyor of fine jewelry and diamonds), the Hanky Brothers (South Park fans will get this) and Hank’s Furniture, a combination of Crazy Eddie and Joe Cocker, where the prices are so low that the owner “is off [my] medication” and the leather sofas are so new, that “they were worn by a cow to work just a week ago.” We are not making this stuff up - you CAN’T make this stuff up.

As we said, Fate has played a major role in our adoption journey. Sometimes Fate is merciful - sometimes cruel. And sometimes Fate thinks it’s funny - it led us to the only dry county in the Greater NW Arkansas area. Siloam Springs is smack in the center of Benton County - dry. There are two places to get a drink around here: The Navajo Indian Nation, less than a mile from our doorstep; and the bar at Dawn Hill, which is actually a very nice, prestigious golf and country club. Since our bloodlines don’t allow us membership into the former group, we decided to join the ranks of paying members of Dawn Hill. For the astronomic price of $5 per year, the full benefits and priviledges of membership are extended to us. Which seem to consist of waiting an hour for a simple sandwich and enduring the throngs of Arkansas Razorback fans on sports night. Which isn’t so bad, after all, their colors are Red and White - Andy fits in just fine. By the way, the Bushwood reference is from Caddyshack, and although there is no harbor here, they do have their own Lefty and Scoob - we actually witnessed it! Maybe every bar has them…

Other than that, the biggest event of the day was fixing a flat on our rental car. Of the dozens and dozens of rental cars we’ve, well…rented over the years, NEVER have we had a flat. Back to the WalMart SuperCenter for a new set of treads. If they only had an OB/GYN department and a laundromat, we’d never have to leave!

Having talked to the birthmother last night, we felt confident exploring our world without too much fear of getting “the call” just yet. We went to Eureka Springs, AR - a very cozy and quaint little historic town that seems literally carved out of the terraced rocks that are in this part of the Ozarks. We really felt like those little porcelain figures in a Dicken’s Village set up. It seems no one throws anything away in this part of the country - they get a booth at an antique mall and wait for saps like us to come along. Most of the stuff you wouldn’t think once about, but occasionally there is an undervalued treasure of such magnitude that you just can’t pass it up. If this adoption all works, we’ll treat you all to an actual photo of said treasure, but to reveal it here would hint at the sex of the baby - so you have to wait. Sorry, Peg.

(Ed. Note: the “find” was a Maryland Terrapin cheerleader Barbie doll.)

Been here a week already - thank God we’re not in some Motel 6 somewhere or we’d REALLY go nuts. We keep our cell phone on constantly (now referred to as the “Batphone”) because the birthmother knows to call that number when she goes into labor. We want to send a special thank you to those of you who have called us on the Batphone, thus sending us into cardiac arrest, thinking it was “the call.” Whenever we go out, we throw in the baby’s gear, the cameras and a bag packed for us. The car is always gassed up. Between us, our hosts, our lawyer, our agency counselor and the doc - there are about a half dozen people waiting to jump into action when “the call” comes - as well as an avalanche of legal proceedings. It can get pretty nerve-wracking. It’s actually very heartwarming to think of the logistics of an adoption - there are so many people involved, all committed to this one child, to providing the emotional and legal support to ensuring this child has a good life. Puts a lot of things in perspective.

We found the Mall today. And Barnes and Noble. This should give you an indication of the level of achievement we’re feeling right about now. We keep telling ourselves that we could be in an unfriendly place or a foreign country - both definitely NOT the case here. Were it not for the people here, we’d be completely nuts by now.

We know what you’re all thinking - “What a vacation! They must be having so much fun!” While we wouldn’t quite characterize our experience that way, thanks in large part to our great sense of humor, we will definitely look back on this with fond memories (if it all works out, that is!). But this whole adoption road has been such a roller coaster and today was the epitome of that notion. For the past few days, little things have been happening that seemed to undermine the confidence we had with this adoption. We have not had the constant contact with the birthmother we had when we first got here. Things weren’t happening like we envisioned - or even agreed upon. Your mind starts to envision the worst as things start to indicate that she’s changed her mind. We have to keep reminding ourselves of the logical, not let our worst fears get the better of us. It came to a head today when we were at our lowest, convinced we had been scammed and actually thought about packing up and going home - not an exaggeration. We probably felt as low as we did right after Atlanta. We don’t care what anyone says - this open adoption route, while having many, many benefits is also a very difficult road. But with this particular match, just when we’re at our lowest, something positive seems to happen to turn it around. To make a long story short, one our “angels” (we refer to them as “Deep Throat” - the Watergate one, not that other one! - and we can elaborate later on what we mean) came through to turn things around when no one else had any luck. The pendulum swings back in a matter of minutes. Talk about exhausting! We’re still very skeptical, but we unpack our bags.

We needed something positive - and fast. It came in the form of basketball tickets to the Arkansas Tennessee game. Our hosts, Gloria and Mike, bought season tickets to Razorback basketball with Moose and Nancy, the mayor of Siloam Springs and his wife - all very devout fans. Gloria offered their tickets to us. Those of you who know how much we enjoy college basketball (especially a good game with two SEC powerhouses) can envision us practically tackling Gloria before she could get her words out. We politely say, “Why, yes - we think we would enjoy such an outing.” So off we go to the game - one that was not even supposed to be close as Tennessee was the heavy favorite. We either have Maryland gear (red and white, close enough to Razorback colors but we don’t risk the reaction) or Syracuse colors - orange, same as Tennessee and DEFINITELY not the way to go. We go neutral and buy stuff there in a store called “Hog Heaven.” To say that Razorback basketball is big in these parts is an understatement of biblical proportions. They know how to put on a game here! Our seats are incredible - 6 rows behind the students and very close to the floor. Knowing that we’ll be sitting with the Mayor and his wife, we remind ourselves that we must be on our best behavior. When they show up in full Razorback regalia, we know we made the right choice in choosing our birthmother and Arkansas as the place our child will be born. This is going to be fun! We were warned that there is a lot of ceremony and pomp, but we didn’t expect this level of showmanship. It was like a Ringling Bros circus with rock music and cheerleaders! They have not one, not two, but three mascots - one of which is a big inflatable pig - “Boss Hog” - which, despite having a human operator on oxygen inside, does some very inhuman things! The fans have a call or act for everything - including calling the team to the court. You haven’t heard anything until you’ve heard 20,000 rabid fans screaming “Woooooooo Pig Sooie!” We heard sounds emanating from human beings that would drive a dog crazy. The packed house, the tradition, the decibel level, the excitement - not to mention an overtime upset win over #8 ranked Tennessee - this was one helluva night! Andy lost his voice, Spike bought a “Hogs” shirt and Gloria will never give up her tickets again. Just what we needed.

Still exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of yesterday, we fire off an email to our agency counselor in Indiana, updating her on the events of the past few days. She finally gets the birthmother on the phone (she had also been trying to reach her all week), who has just returned from her doc visit. Everything is back on track - she says she’s still committed to this adoption, she’s 2 cm dilated and the baby’s in position. The doc says it could be within the week, but the birthmother says it could be any day now. It would’ve been nice to know the exact due date (turns out it is indeed the 15th of Feb) but for each day we’re sitting here waiting is just one more day that solidifies our residency requirement. Things could, of course, still not work out for several reasons, but for now, we’re still on course. The most incredible thing that happens today is that we FINALLY take advantage of the hot tub that is sitting on our front porch. 11 days go by without indulging - what were we thinking? It’s surprising how much things go smoother with some hot, bubbly, chlorinated water. At night, we have a most spectacular thunderstorm (Syracuse, remember the Labor Day storm?) and this is the only time we hope the birthmother doesn’t call. Our moderate, 60 degree sunny weather seems to be over.

We honestly can’t remember what happened this day, so we’re telling this story instead. On the main highway in and out of Siloam Springs there are many antique and junk shops. At one construction company, there’s this big old steam shovel from the ’40s sitting out front. I said to Spike, “There’s Mike Mulligan’s steam shovel!” She couldn’t remember what I was talking about. I explained the famous children’s story, how it was one of my favorites and that now every time we would pass it, she’ll think about that story. Sure enough, now it knaws her brain every time we pass it and she has to point it out. The owner even painted eyes on it, just like the story. Of course, we stopped to take pictures of it and went out and bought the book for our child - whenever it arrives…