Healthvues

The halfway point. We’re still trying not to let ourselves get too caught up in being parents. But it’s hard. In fact, this is probably one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do. You want to be totally
immersed in the whole experience, but there’s this Friday deadline that keeps popping into our minds. Apparently, we’re becoming quite the celebrities here. We were visited by a couple
who have adopted 2 children. They had heard we were in town (several weeks ago) and wanted to come over to lend emotional support. They brought Alex a new teddy bear and we traded war stories. We keep saying people here are so nice here and that we hear that perfect strangers are pulling for us, but it’s no exaggeration - the doctor I saw last week for my sinus infection asked Gloria if we had the baby yet. Even the pharmacist who dispensed my prescription was asking how we’re doing! The nice part of being in a small town. But there is a dark side too - apparently word
got back that I was a bit rude to the Fed Ex counter person - not the one here in town (because there is none, only a drop box) - but the one in Springdale, easily 45 minutes away! I had to pick up a box, at the height of my raging infection, and the driver was late - so I muttered something under my breath (ever the diplomat, it was not directed at her per se). Well, now I have this reputation of being a newspaper-stealin’, counterperson-insultin’, cranky New Yorker. So unlike me… Big news today: Alex’s cord fell off tonight! No small feat for us - not so much that it fell off early, it’s just that that damn thing was so ugly to look at! Yeesh!

Alex had her first pediatric appointment today. Her doc back in Harrison wanted her looked at in one week (for those of you who know about the birthmother, she did not have what we would consider optimal prenatal care - we trusted her took care of herself, it’s just that she didn’t have many doc appointments). We are very happy (and relieved) to report that Alex is not only doing well, but she’s thriving. Everything checks out - her sneezes don’t mean anything bad - her chirps are a good thing - and she’s not too fussy (only when her diaper is full and her belly is empty - but
heck, I’m fussy under those conditions myself!). She started out at 6lbs 13oz at birth and in a week she’s up to 7lbs 2.5oz! Even the doctor was impressed. Must be we’re doing something right. And Mike seems to be doing much better. While Gloria is at work, I’ll go up and check on him. Today, we had a good talk about cars, vegetables and our women. Aaahhh, the testoserone was as thick as molasses! Actually, we hear he appreciates it as he’s still not too mobile. We’ve taken Alex up to see him and Gloria even made him come down to see us the other day. He’s on the mend and is looking forward to a big family ski vacation in Winter Park in a few weeks. Not that he’ll be skiing…mostly sitting by the fire, which is what we’d be doing.

So far, we’re hanging in here. Not much going on except pooping and burping…and taking care of Alex. Officially, today marks the end of our residency requirement - Alex’s adoption can never be
challenged on these grounds (nor on any other, for that matter, as we have been anal retentive about strictly playing by the rules). The end is in sight as we make our plane reservations for home. Tonight, Alex gets her first bath/massage combination. She fusses, of course, but she must like it because she almost sleeps through the night, going down at about 10pm. I woke her up at the end of my shift (2:30am) from a sound sleep to change her (again, she waits ’til I get the clean diaper off until opening up the flood gates) and feed her. They say don’t wake a sleeping baby - I won’t make that mistake again. The situation was only slightly aliviated because it was the start of Spike’s shift and I sauntered off to bed. The biggest news of the day? You have to ask? Maryland getting revenge on Duke by slapping them around on Duke’s senior night at home and exacting revenge for that loss…no, I still can’t talk about it. So far, the Terps are undefeated since Alex has been around. A sign? Should I go out and start shopping for my big screen TV? (ed. note: Spike and I have an agreement that if Maryland makes it to the Final Four, I get a big screen, digital TV -
no pressure, Alex…)

One of the benefits of having a respected lawyer in a small town is that sometimes special treatment comes along with the package. Today, we saw the judge. Dena had explained our situation to her when she filed the relinquishments last week and she agreed to hear our case a few days early. (Note: we still have 2 days to go, but now we don’t have to see the judge again - the decree will automatically take effect at the end of the day Friday, if the birthparents don’t file a reclaim.) This means that not only is one huge legal hurdle over with, but the timing allows us to be home almost a week earlier. Dena tells us not to worry too much because it’s basically a done deal. Still… We arrive at the courthouse at 9am and go right into her chambers - perfect timing! Judge Duncan is
extremely nice as Dena presents our case. The judge asks us a few questions, like are we financially able to care for this child (”yes”), are we emotionally able to care for this child (”yes”) and do
we desire this child (”what, ya kiddin’ me?! …er, Yes”). She says everything is in order and “congratulations” as we (almost) officially become parents! A few photos with the 5 of us and
we’re outta there in about 10 minutes. Short, but definitely one of the sweetest and most emotional moments in our lives. We go back down to the clerk’s office and file everything and meet some more
nice people - but we find out that the birthparents actually have until 5pm on Friday, not 4:30 as we had thought (rules change). Not that big of a deal, but it ticks Dena off a bit - any extra time is not welcome. Oh well, we’ll deal. We will have suffered for 10 days, what’s another 30 minutes?

Today is probably the second most stressful day in this whole journey
(see the next day for the MOST stressful). We have not heard anything
from the birthparents - which on the one hand, is a good thing because
in this case, no news is good news. On the other hand, we’d sure like to
know what they’re thinking. Today is mostly taken up by making sure
nothing is left for me to do for work and packing up my computer
equipment and shipping it home. Aside from the obvious stress of the
very real possibility of a reclaim (amplified by not 1, not 2 but 3
stories of recent reclaims on our agency internet bullentin boards),
there’s the stress of packing up everything and getting it to UPS, the
anticipation of finally going home and the depression of leaving our
new-found family. Everyone came over to say their good-byes and tell us
that we’ll be missed - the feeling is definitely mutual. We’ve said it
before, but we could not have been any more blessed. With all the things
we normally would’ve had to worry about (the hospital treatment, being
in a strange place, being away from work and worrying about our home),
we haven’t had to concern ourselves with anything because of the
wonderful people who have helped us through this - except, of course,
dealing with the birthparents, which is to be expected. On a lighter
note, we’ve been here for a month and have often lamented about the lack
of good restaurants within a short drive’s distance (at least in
comparison to what we’re used to in Syracuse, which is no culinary mecca
itself, mind you…). On day 32, we finally find 2 places that we surely
would’ve patronized many, many times had we had the inclination to stop
during any one of our countless drive-bys. If you ever find yourselves
in Siloam Springs, check out Fantiqua’s for subs and sandwiches and
Barnett’s Dairyette (a fixture for more than 40 years) for greasy, cheap
but utterly fantastic food. You won’t find a tofu burger here. Tonight,
we go up to the house and visit one last time with Gloria and Mike and
Kelly (their granddaughter and whose house we parked at during the
infamous Razorback game) - it was bittersweet and almost unbelievable
that this is finally our last night here. We also find out that in their
past, they were fellow Avioners! I just hope they didn’t wear those
funny hats and sweaters… (Ed. note: only Andy’s family will get this
joke - so don’t try to figure this one out.)

This is it - we’ve never felt as much pressure as this day. They have until 5:00pm today to change their minds. The plan in place is for Dena to call the county clerk’s office at 5:01 to see if there were any filings and we call Dena at 5:02 for the results. Since our flight out is right at 5:00 out of Little Rock (about 5 hours away), we have to get on the road fairly soon. One last stop at Dena’s office to say our good-byes and we’re outta here. During our entire stay here, we’ve realized that the State of Arkansas must have some aversion to the use of guardrails on their roadways. Especially in the mountains, we often wondered how long it would be for someone to be discovered if they had the misfortune of guiding their vehicle off the side of the road and down one the numerous chasms that line the road, unprotected by a guardrail. We think it’s Arkansas’ version of natural selection - only the alert survive and the weak and slow are weeded out. The 5 hour drive to the airport is made even more stressful by probably the worst stretch of uninterrupted, continuous washboard roadway in the state. If you go ever go down I-40, stay in the left lane! We count down the reclaim time remaining in hours, then halfhours, then literally minutes. It’s interesting to see strangers react to a baby, but it’s really amazing to see their reaction upon learning this is an adoption. Many people came up to us to gawk at Alex (total strangers mind you, but they also seemed mindful of germs as not one got so close to cause us concern), but they were very interested (in the legalities and the notion of open adoption) and seemed genuinely happy. Maybe we were one of those “feel good” stories you encounter at makes you smile the rest of the day. Maybe we’re full of ourselves - but who cares; we’re about to become parents! One young man (probably early 20s) even told us what we were doing was very “noble” - he was adopted himself and only recently met his birthparents. While waiting to board the plane, Spike called Dena and heard the only word we needed from her: Congratulations! Connie (the clerk) had been expecting Dena’s call and told her that no one heard a peep from the birthparents - no filings took place for reclaim. After many years of fertility treatments and several years of adoption, in one small moment we officially became parents. You can imagine the release we felt. It took a little time for us to gather ourselves and make a few phone calls to family and friends. All the worry about the birth going well, the worry about Alex’s health, the worry about being new parents and the worry about a reclaim is now behind us. Now we can get to worrying about the normal, everday fears of being parents.

We arrive in Atlanta late for a weekend of decompressing with 2 of Alex’s grandmothers (Peggy and Judy). Peggy and Judy meet us at the gate - we fully expected 2 little tazmanian devils, plowing through passengers and baggage to get to the “precious cargo.” We were surprised to be greeted by the opposite - 2 quiet, teary-eyed grandmothers. They’ve been waiting almost as long we have for this moment and they savored every second of it. We finally hit the sack at about 2am, only to get up again for a PD that extended outside the boundaries of the diaper. Welcome to parenthood…

Fran drives up from Charleston for a short overnight jaunt - this time, she is greeted by our daughter. Activities for the weekend pretty much revolve around watching Peggy, Judy and Fran vie for holding rights of Alex. And taking pictures. She’s in good hands. Peggy and Judy’s friend Kelly comes over for the afternoon - and another encouraging adoption story. Just a day of relaxing and feeling the chest pains go away. To top if off, Johnnies Pizza and a few Coronas. Aahh, relaxation ensues.

…more of the same… Alex meets one her uncles today as Brian comes over for a visit. More pictures…more congratulatory phone calls…more holding… We get word that there’s a “storm of the century” brewing over the northeast, with potentially hurricane force winds and up to 2 feet of snow. Not looking good for getting home tomorrow as planned. Most airlines have already cancelled all their flights to the northeast’s major cities.

We have to reroute our flights through Chicago. They tell us that our flight into Syracuse will probably be cancelled due to snow. We tell them that they don’t understand - we know how to handle snow: Book us. And of course, everthing was just fine (except a minor mechanical delay leaving Chicago). Alex was once again great on the planes - the attendants told us she was their youngest passenger. More oohs and aahs and congratulations from strangers. We fly into Syracuse during the snowstorm - no problems at all. Nineteen inches on the ground, but like we said, the airport was open. We get off the plane and not a single soul was waiting for us at the gate. At first, a bit of panic and disappointment as we think our ride didn’t even show up. Then we remember that security closes the gates to onlookers after a certain time. Sure enough, we round the corner to go up to the lobby and there’s a crowd waiting for us. Flashbulbs, video cameras and cheers greet us! Very, very heartwarming! About 25 of our friends, family and neighbors are waiting for their first glimpse of Alex. It was such a fitting end to a long journey. 36 days earlier we walked down this ramp to the plane with anxiety and apprehension in our stomachs - now we walk up the other way with relief and joy in our hearts as we are now parents. It is so good to be home, to see Jersey and to finally start our new life. In addition to the ton of mail waiting for us, several people went grocery shopping for us - there is no shortage of food! We came home to cake, chilled champagne and a decorated house (“It’s a Girl!”). The last guest left around 2am, just in time for Alex to blow her first diaper in her new home!

Of course, we can’t end this travelogue without thanking everyone who
supported us in this in many ways - whether it was a reassuring phone
call or email, or taking care of something for us back in Syracuse, or
taking care of us in Siloam Springs - or simply praying for us. It has
meant everything to us - now it’s Party Time! OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!

Ed. Note: Being a blog, the newer entries are posted at the top. To read this sequentially, go to Older Entries and hunt for the beginning.

We got on the road about 9:00am for the 450 mile drive to Reno. There is one road – through the most beautiful, barren, hostile, incredible moonscape you can imagine. There are very few towns along the way, mostly forgotten old mining outposts left over from the gold rush. Mining is still one the largest industries in Nevada – that and building alien landing strips. Yes, we go by the infamous Area 51. The drive is surprisingly easy. They say it always takes 8 hours to get from Vegas to Reno no matter how fast or slow you drive. When we last did it last June, we averaged about 75-80 mph – we did it in 8 hours. This time, with the trailer we averaged about 60-65 mph and did in… 8 hours. Go figure. Must be some sort of alien time warp.

The trip was uneventful. It got colder and colder as we got further north. When we came into the general Reno area, we were greeted by a frozen landscape, 15-degree temperatures, overcast skies and a light snow..we remarked that it felt like we were entering “The Polar Express”…. All the trees were covered in a fine misty ice and there was (still is) a few inches of snow everywhere. Which begs the question: “We came 4000 miles for this?!” Everyone assures us it is highly unusual, and since it’s precipitation, it’s welcomed. Great. Love to hear it. They LOVE rain. We have an attitude adjustment ahead of us…

So that’s it – we’re here. We’d like to thank everyone who helped make this decision and journey easier for us. From family and friends who helped pack, put us up for a night or two, helped with car troubles and trailer shopping, and just those who called us on our cells and emailed us (when we could get them) – it was an experience. ..Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and we are much wiser for the experience, and as we end this part of our journey, we leave you with the immortal pearls of wisdom that my dear cousins, Paul and Renee, tried to impart on us (who listens to good advice anyways??) when we decided to do this…..SELL EVERYTHING, TAKE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH AND CLEAN UNDERWEAR AND JUST DRIVE!!!!! We miss you all so very much, setting up our new lives feels like an emotional rollercoaster (like we haven’t been on one of those before in our lives!) but we are confident that this is the right choice for us, like all new changes, it just is going to take some time to adjust…….We love you and miss you and will never be far in spirit ( or cel phones!!)……Although we do have a storage unit full of stuff left in Syracuse and we don’t know how we’ll get it out here…Which begs the question, is there another wacky travel email journal in our future???? Stay tuned……

Final Tally:
Days on the road: 19
States covered: 13
Miles Traveled: 4,304
Number of Trailers consumed: 2
Visits to the Auto Mechanic: 3
Gallons of gas consumed: immeasurable
Quarts of oil consumed: surprisingly, only 2
Cost of the move: (let’s not go there, but it’s 5 figures)

Thanks again!
- Alex, Spike and ‘drew